I am happy to report that at 41 years of age, I had a defining moment. Not to brag on myself, well, maybe just a little. I had a real life grown up moment. I think Oprah calls it a defining moment, or an Ah - ha moment. Whatever it was, it was good!
My children for some unknown reason have a big problem with organization and cleaning up after themselves. They can take a clean and organized room and 2 weeks later, it is trashed. Like bad. I mean with all kinds of junk just everywhere. It is bad, bad, bad. Somewhere along the way, they discovered short cuts to cleaning. Somehow it involves throwing things in corners, under beds and in closets. Basically anywhere that your eye does not see from the door.
Yesterday I was walking by and I had to go in, into the room. OH MY. One thing led to the other and the vastness of the disarray overtook me. Normally I would get mad, possibly involving a major freak out. Several garbage bags, dust pan, and I would just attack the mess. Cleaning it up could take a long time, lots of tears, anger, hurt feelings. You know, basically not a good situation. Not good for me, to get so angry, to lash out and make my child feel bad about herself. Harsh words never make a child feel good, they don’t even make an adult feel good. Throwing away a child’s belonging’s never makes them feel good. To them it is a treasure or a special memory.
I wanted this moment to not go bad. I did not want to hurt my child, I did not want to make her feel bad. Maybe all the years of watching Dr. Phil and Oprah, Hoarders and what not kicked in. I don’t know. Maybe because my first child is almost 17 and the anger trip never worked well for her, and somewhere in my brain it clicked. A ha! Let us work together to fix this and let’s learn from this. Yes, this would be a new way. No accusing words, no lash out’s. Let’s just work together.
We rolled up our sleeves. I stayed so calm, really, calm. We separated into piles of keep, donate, and memory box. We sorted, swept, dusted. Amazing. It worked. From my 8 years old I had teamwork and a great attitude. We knocked it out in a few hours and I washed every last piece of her clothing and bedding. It felt good. She feels good. Her room is clean, she knows where everything is and was happy to find things she thought she had lost.
My husband kept waiting for me to “let out my anger” at something else, something small. But guess what? It never did. Really I had a grown up moment. I am so proud.
Not to toot my own horn, but really, it could have been a really bad day. Instead it was a great day! For the both of us.
The hardest thing about being a full-time working mom and a mom is finding the balance between the two. You never quite feel good enough at either one. It is hard to let go of the guilty feelings we carry and keep in our mind. I hope one day I feel good enough at both of my “jobs” until then I will just keep doing the best I can and pray it will be good enough. That my kids will not remember me a an angry stressed out tired shrew, but a mom that really loves them and more importantly whose actions show them they loved.