How time flies…

It has been so long since I have posted! I actually have started a new job at a surgery center. It is a very different experience for me. I think I will like it though.  I have already learned a ton about eyes since I started just 2 weeks ago. It is funny because I have been a nurse for 14 years, plus worked as a student nurse for 1 1/2 years before graduating and I always believed I would work in a hospital, in my favorite area SICU. However, since leaving the hellhole last October in a near nervous breakdown state, I almost thought I would never work as a nurse again. I do not mean to be overly dramatic, but I was a wreck. Towards the end of my time at my old job, I began to have panic attacks, my GI system was in a constant state of distress and pain. I had no coping abilities, I was overcome with stress, fear, and overwhelming feelings of sadness. I thought I was loosing my mind. I used to love my job and all the girls/guys I worked with. We worked really hard but always had time to laugh and appreciate the funnier moments of life in the hospital. Which there were plenty of. However, after years of changes, increasing poverty levels, sicker patients, increased drug/ alcohol usage of our patients, higher incidences of communicable diseases, more drug resistant disease. Training new nurses who would flea in fear after just a few weeks of training, being in charge, being short staffed, new rules of what else you could not do, having to take patients when there was no one to care for them except the person who answered the phone, the rest of the group would start mouthing “We can’t take any more patients” and run for their rooms. It was overwhelming and it was past time to go. I am thankful I made it out alive. That is truly the way that I felt.
So, bless my husbands heart he said leave, and I finally did. I was so thankful. It took months for me to feel like a real person again. I left October 6, 2007. I have never really looked back. By the time I left, I was only one of a small handful of people that were left from the original group of nurses, one by one they had run each of us off. By now I doubt there are 5 people left there from the old group. When the “new” management came into power it was out with the old and in with the new. They wanted nurses they could threaten, bully and control. They did want the experience of the seasoned workers who had been through hard times and who could offer words of wisdom and help decide how things can be made better, what could be changed, for the better. No indeed they did not want anyone with an opinion. They were considered the enemy and they must leave. Like I said I am thankful I made it out with my license intact.
I won’t even go into all the issues and abuse of drugs/alcohol that I observed co-workers to have. It is a true nightmare.

So, back to the lighter side. I love my new job, even though it is five days a week, and lower pay. I just love the calmness of it, the quietness, the smallness of it. I love the patients and it is a joy to do good again!

I feel better letting all of that out, even if it makes no sense to anyone but me.

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One thought on “How time flies…

  1. It makes perfect sense to me, probably because I have been in that situation. I nursed in a hospital with the same problems: staffing shortages, too many patients, inexperienced staff working in high risk areas etc.

    I couldn’t understand at the time why I felt so physically and mentally drained and unable to cope with life. Looking back, I felt lucky to escape the nightmare that my job became.

    It takes huge amounts of courage to walk away from it and then there is a period of guilt for not coping with what is an impossible situation.

    So glad to hear that you found a job that you love. Wishing you well for the future.

    Marie x

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